I Wonder....

I wonder what it will be like when I finally graduate? When I'm back out here in the "real world" with not having to wake up in the morning and drag myself out of bed....not having to put my school chef's jacket on and walk two blocks to class in the wee hours of the morning in the heat/rain/snow?

I wonder where I will live? Will I finally have a place to call my own? A "home" where I can rest my head knowing that this is MY place, where my children can come and visit...Where I can drink a glass of wine without having to worry if I'm going to lose my job if I get caught drinking in my room? Where I can decorate and have dinner parties with food of my own design and no one else? Where my bedroom will be my sanctuary and the bed will be high off the ground and big enough for hundreds of pillows? (Well...maybe not "hundreds" but a LOT! LOL) Where there will be color on the walls, and a big kitchen with a gas stove, and nice plates and unique wine glasses....and WINDOWS!!! EVERYWHERE!!!

I wonder if there will ever come a time where I will have a fully stocked frig/ freezer and pantry-so that I can cook and create whatever dishes my heart desires? I wonder will I ever learn more about wine?

I wonder will I have a beautiful yard with flowers and a garden and a patio where I can sit and have coffee and enjoy the sun's warmth on my face? I wonder will I have a long, wooden plank table with fresh flowers and white linen tablecloth's in the grass to have dinner outside with friends and fam?

I wonder where will I work? "Will" I work? Of course I will have to work, but will it be a place where I can continue to learn and hone my culinary skills and talents? I wonder will I love it?  Will it be a place where it will be "okay" to just be "me?" Will I make enough money to live comfortably, alone and on my own...finally...for the first time in my life? No husband/boyfriend, no parents, no children, no roommates...just me? I wonder what path I will go? Will I stay in PA, or will I go to Vegas?  Texas? Cali? Where?

I wonder if I will end up working on a cruise-ship or in a Fine Dining establishment? Someone told me that I don't have what it takes to work in Fine Dining...he has no idea what I'm capable of. I wonder if I will want to have a food truck? And if so, what will I serve? Would people like my food enough to keep me in business?

I wonder what people "really" think of me? I wonder if my friends are growing tired of me? I wonder why some of them speak to me differently now, as if they are agitated with me for some unknown reason?  I wonder what I did to make them feel that way...

I wonder if I will ever fall in love again? I wonder if the perfect man for me is out there looking for me? I wonder if what ails me will be fixed? I wonder if I did the right thing by coming here and pursuing this life-long dream? I wonder when I will be able to just be free to be me and have fun again without always feeling like I need to be doing something more productive? I wonder if I will ever have the opportunity to travel overseas? <I wonder if I will be able to afford a passport? lol>

I always tell the ones I love "Be Great and Live Life!"

I wonder if I will be able to do the same...

I wonder if anyone even reads this....

I wonder...